Enneagram Records

This album has been a long time coming.  To say these songs are personal is an understatement.  That Little Girl is basically Filet of Lezlie, starting right out of the gate with “Holly Hobbie”. Almost all of my songs come directly from or are inspired by real life, and this album exemplifies that. A crush of mine once told me that he didn’t want to date me because he didn’t want to be that close to my muse.  He’d just end up being a jerk and breaking my heart and then I’d put it in a song and everyone would know what an ass he was. See? You’re not in a song.  Yet.
                                                                Lezlie

HOLLY HOBBIE
The newest of the songs on the album, but it looks back the furthest. Yes, the dress in the cover art is one of the dresses that inspired the bridge.  I loved that dress. Somehow I was a girly tomboy.  I was a rough-and-tumble, deeply spiritual (even as a child), soft-hearted, hard-headed girl.  I was anything I wanted to be.  Over the years I’ve lost the simple joy and confidence that came with that package.  “ Holly Hobbie” is about the journey to try and resuscitate that within myself.

When I was nine I thought I’d be a Prairie Girl with a degree
Seven kids and a career
Book signings and a record deal, a Tony on the shelf

I used to think my life would be a modern Mayberry
Chairs creaking as they rock
Knowing everybody on the block (hey, Joe!)
Or maybe Woodstock, queen of folk rock

Or maybe bright lights, big city where life is real and hard and gritty
Wandering through the park watching my breath rise through the dark
But no, maybe Joan of Arc
God, I just want to make my mark
I burn but I don’t want to go like that

Here I sit at thirty-nine, my head is fuzzy from the wine
Still I’m desperate to find the picture of that little girl
Blue dress, all calico and twirls, arms thrown open to the sky
Always asking why, I was always asking why

I drink her health and go to bed but I can’t sleep, so I walk instead
I wander through the dark
I wonder who lives on my block and what they know
Innocence is never really lost, it’s just the cost of  living

I pour a fresh glass of wine, it’s not enough to look behind
I know the mirror’s where I’ll find the afterimage of that little girl
Blue dress, all calico and twirls, arms thrown open to the sky
Always asking why, I’ll keep on asking why

We’re never who we thought we’d be, but is that such a tragedy
Sure, some dreams go unlived, but I know so much more than I did
My dreams and me, we’ve got more to give
We’re scarred, but beautiful

LIKE THAT
This song grew out of a road trip I took with friends of mine.  We drove from Kansas City to Vegas, the northern route up and the southern one back.  (Beth, thanks for forbidding me to mope after Kansas.) That’s a lot of landscape for introspection and crazy brain flights. Yes, it is also autobiographical. Thank you to Phill & Beth for harmony inspiration.

I was sitting at a truckstop, just north of no turning back
When I thought I heard a hint drop
Or maybe it was just the crack of the thunder in my head
From the whiskey I keep under my bed for nights like that
(Like what?) Kind of like this

Well, I was feeling kind of lonesome, just south of how did I get here
When I met a handsome loner, he said, “let me take you outta here”
So I followed him down the road thinking a little bit of love would lighten my load
I’m smart like that
(Like what?) Well, let me tell you about it

I was feeling kind of footsore, just east of where do I go next
So I wandered in a bookstore to find the path that was the best
I thought I’d found some doors to unlock but I just read myself right into a box
I walk like that
(Like what?) In circles

Well it started with a memory, just west of what the hell was that
Of a thing I can’t remember, well they say there’s no going back
But how could I go on when everything I thought I needed was gone
Now I’m back to that
(To what?) To something new!

Aw…. this is new... ish

Now I’m standing kinda naked in the center of all I am
And I don’t have all the answers, but I looked and I’ll be damned
I found the pieces of me
When I got rid of the whisky, the loner, the load, the book, the box
I’ll keep the memory, and I’ll walk on, singing my song
Like that

TODAY
I tried for years to complete “ Today”. I laughed out loud after I typed that. Funny how long it took to write a song about living in the moment. But the song was important to me, so I stuck with it and my producer was able to help me bring it fully to life.  Thanks, Max.

Today was just like any other because today was not like any other
This realization gave me reason to pause
Today I just lived my life

Today I thought of you and smiled
Today I laughed for no reason
Today I was awake for a awhile
Today was good don’t you see that

Today was just like any other because today was not like any other
I wonder if that’s the way it always was
Today I just lived my life

Why do I worry about things to come when there may not be a tomorrow
Why do I cry over things that are done
The past is just advice to borrow

So, today will be just like any other because today won’t be like any other
A little bit new, a bit the way that it was
Today I’ll just live my life

Today I may just lose my head
Today I might cry for no reason
But don’t you think it’s exciting, what lies ahead
Today will be good, don’t you think

Why do I worry about things to come when there may not be a tomorrow
Why, why do I cry over things that are done
The past is just advice to borrow

So, today was just like any other because today was not like any other
This realization gave me reason to pause
Today I just lived my life

Break
Inspired by the 2006 heat wave that hit the Midwest.  Missing someone is somehow harder in that kind of heat.

Is it the loneliness or being alone
Is it not having any house or having no home that makes a body lay itself down
Makes a peasant put his bread aside or a king lay down his crown
Now, now

Maybe it's the night without any moon
Maybe it's the night without you that makes me think the way I do

Now the wave has hit the bible belt
And even the lows here have been hotter than hell
Well, well
I shut the light out to see what I can hear
I taste salt, is it sweat or is it tears

Maybe it's the heat that makes me feel this way tonight
But baby, if this heat doesn't break before it's light, I might
I might

Maybe it’s the heat that makes me feel this way tonight
But baby if this heat doesn't break before the light
I might

WHITE FLAG
The second-oldest song on the album, and one of my few truly rock-and-roll arrangements.  I had great fun recording this song, and would like to write and record more like it.

Throwing out the white flag baby, holding the dagger’s hilt to you
You know you’d better take it baby, may be the last time that I do
You seem to think I’m staying here
Regardless of the games you may be playing here
But we’re going down a dark road to a dead end
Think we’ll know it when we get there

Thought we got this over baby, thought that the fighting here was through
We may not make it this time baby, not sure I care much if we do
‘Cause I’m tired of all this yelling here
And baby I’m not buying what you’re selling here
You say you think you’re crazy, but I think maybe you just may be being lazy

You sit there watching movies baby, lately that’s all you ever do
You think our lives should be like that, now surely you know it isn’t true
To life they’re just pretending
We’ve got no one to write a happy ending
But you and me dear, we’re the only ones who can make it be here

Throwing out the white flag baby, holding the dagger’s hilt to you
You’d better take it this time baby, may be the last time that I do

NO POLLYANNA
Basically the result of me flipping the musical finger to friends of mine who complained my music was too dark and serious. I needed, they insisted, to write something fun, light… maybe a love song. I decided to show them.  I decided to write a flippant little piece of silly fluff. Instead I wrote a light-hearted, catchy tune that ended up being subtly smart and touching – completely by accident. (… Mostly by accident.)

Well I know there’s more than enough silly love songs in this world
But I’ve found, since I met you that I’ve become one of those silly love-struck girls
Yes I have…. god help me…

Well I’m no Pollyanna, but my hopes are up, in spite of my general disposition
If I go on much longer I just might throw up
No one bothered to ask me about this new addition to my life
This thing called …. hope?

Well I know this optimistic streak may make me sound like a fool
And I know that I smile too much and I laugh out loud for no reason but you

Well I’m no Pollyanna, but I play that game of finding good in every day
My friends all think I’ve lost my mind
But all that I can do is give them this sheepish grin and say
What can I say, I’m in love!

Well, you know I’m not always like this, I can find the bad in every good
But I’ve found you bring more out of me than I ever, ever, ever thought you could

Well I’m no Pollyanna, but my eyes are bright
And my love is strong enough to want to tell you all
So brace yourselves for one more silly verse of this love song
Here we go, we’re almost through

‘Cause I know there’s more than enough silly love songs in this world
But I’ve found, since I met you that I’ve become one of those silly love-struck girls
Yes I have…. god help me….

RETURN TO ME
A fusion of past and present.  Parts of it were inspired by song snippets tossed out by an ex of mine, parts by a recent heartbreak, and parts by soaking in a hot spring bathtub under an expansive Utah night sky.  (See the trip referenced in Track 2)  During the recording of this song was the first time I heard Max sing.  Trust me – I’m going to try to make it happen as often as I can.

Time lay across hands of mine
Clasp my head in thoughts of you
My heart of blood pushed-pulled in veins
The words of this forgotten tune
Return to me

My skin kissed pale by moonlight
Covered myself in thoughts of you
The eyes I use to fill, to fill
The words of this forgotten tune
Return to me

Sometimes I’m not even sure you exist
Reality is a funny thing, you could be just a dream
A lifetime long ago, a faded memory
Or is that me

Something whispers, wings brush past
A fleeting glimpse of you
Who is waiting, who remembers
The words of this forgotten tune
Return to me, return to me

Time holds its breath, listening
What destiny will children choose
I hold my breath – no, I’m breathing through
The words of this forgotten tune
Return to me, return to me

All songs written by Lezlie Revelle
Published by Katie Sounds (BMI) and Max Berry Music (BMI)

EX-HONORATION
Ah.  What can I say about “Ex-Honoration”? It’s a true story. Those of you who know, know.

Once I was married to a man that we’ll call ‘Jeff’
He had a little sports car: a little style, a little pep
It wasn’t aging like fine wine, but it was all paid off
When we split, that little car was the little bit I got
The car came with a list of broken things
But at the end of that first month they worked for me
It even stalled just in time to save me from a t-bar

My ex-husband’s car is my Herbie
Saving me from boredom and from wrecks
Maybe I got the shaft, or maybe I’ll have the last laugh
That little car keeps saving my little neck

I took a vacation to someplace warm
To meet my boyfriend’s family, then he thought it would do no harm
To drive a little further, introduce me to a best friend
I missed the alarm bells when he said ‘fence’ and he said ‘mend’
That best friend was my ex-husband’s first wife
You might say we didn’t hit it off in our first life
I prayed, I wish I may I wish I might survive it all

Now my ex-husband’s ex-wife is my new friend
We’re planning our next visit to the beach
Maybe I got the shaft, or maybe I’ll have the last laugh
If I’m open to the lessons life can teach

Now about that boyfriend I mentioned in the last verse
Some of you have done the math, but it gets worse
Not only is he the best friend of my new friend, my ex’s ex
I met him through that very ex, maybe the gods do stack the deck
We drank some wine and threw our stories down
Two ex-wives, an ex-friend, and a Hollywood turn-around
If you let yourself go and let yourself fall you’re bound to fly

Now my ex-husband’s ex-wife’s best friend is my boyfriend
Strangely, it’s not as strange as it seems
Maybe I got the shaft but I think I’ll have the best laugh
I got the car and the friend and the boyfriend of my dreams

Yes, my my ex-husband’s ex-wife’s best friend is my boyfriend
We could compare ex-notes through eternity
We could put him through the grind, but baby we don’t have the time
We’re too busy making brand new memories
Yeah, we’re too busy making our own memories

SHALLOW GRAVE
About a couple I used to know. I’m pretty sure they didn’t see themselves like this, but the experience of knowing them touched me deeply.

He wraps himself around her, another long and lonely night
He shivers from her cold
He’s running out of the will to fight her demons
He pulls her closer, tries to will her to be healed
But all he finds is absence
She’s out looking for something to feel

He hides his eyes so she won’t know he knows her story
He shuts out the light; he would have outrun the wildest furies
He cries at night for the truth that he can’t find in her eyes

He doesn’t know how long he can drag the river for their life
The dream’s caught in the current
He’s afraid of what he’ll find but he can’t stop
Her words dig a shallow grave he lies down in every night
The sun won’t burn the dew away, and the water wounds his sight

He hides his eyes so she won’t know he knows her story
He shuts out the light; he would have outrun the wildest furies
He cries at night for the truth that he can’t find in her eyes

He hides his eyes so she won’t know he knows her story
He shuts out the light; he would have outrun the wildest furies
He cries at night for the truth that he can’t find in her eyes
He cries at night for the truth that he can’t find

SHE
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a woman. Completely, madly, deeply. It didn’t work out, but I learned invaluable lessons from her and from the experience. “She” bubbled up out of the ardor of that affection.

She walks into a room, she takes my breath away
Now I long for those kinds of rooms and kinds of days
Hey, hey…mmhm…

Her body is a song, she gestures with a hand
But I’m already gone, universe at her command
Hey, hey… oh, yeah…

Oh, yeah

She’s beautiful as night, driven as the day
The bringer of my light, the reason that I write
I think I’m gonna stay

mmhm…

She walks into a room, takes my breath away
She walks into a room, takes my breath away
Yeah, yeah, yeah…

SOLDIER COME HOME
People keep asking me why I wrote “Soldier Come Home ”. I tried for a while to come up with a brilliant and eloquent story – but honestly? I was just missing someone so badly that it ached and I felt helpless to affect the situation. So I did what I do.  I wrote a song.

Sat down tonight to write you a song
But everything keeps coming out wrong
Just old clichés trying to get their way
I keep wondering if you’re okay

I want my words to weave some kind of spell
To keep you safe, and keep you well
Something brilliant to light your way
But all I can say is soldier, come home
Soldier, come home…

Sat down tonight to write you a letter
But what can I say, I hope things get better
I’m sorry that you lost your crystal ball
To know which walls will be the first to fall

I want my words to inspire hope
But my thoughts are broken, it’s like I’m groping
In the dark to find my way
And all I can say is soldier, come home
Soldier, come home…
Soldier, come home…

By sea and sky, by sun and stone I pray
Soldier come home to me

I’ve got no magic but this song I sing
So wrap it ’round your finger like a piece of string
Hold it to your heart like a little prayer
To remember your way back home
Soldier, come home
Soldier, come home
Soldier, come home

By sea and sky, by sun and stone I pray
Soldier come home to me

Hold it to your heart like little a prayer
To remember your way…

PAULINE
Based on a true story. All of the things in the verses happened to a guy I knew years ago.  He didn’t want to be recognized, so I made the character female.  Considering I don’t even remember his name any more, I figure it’s safe to share that part of the story.

There was nobody there on the pier that night except Pauline
To hear the gunshot bite the air
She stood there silently beside the crate; she sealed her fate
She’d known exactly what she’d seen

Now she’s out on the road trying to make amends, to be a friend
To people she thinks are in need of the things that she knows
Where she’s been, what she’s seen
Trying to escape the stains that remain

There was nobody out on the street that night except Pauline
To see her leave the fight behind
As she left them lying there in her bed she simply shook her head
‘No’ was all that she could say

Now she’s out on the road trying to make amends, to be a friend
As long as you don’t try to see what’s really in her head
The path she took, what’s behind that look
She tries to hide, but the stains remain

There was nobody there in the room that night except Pauline
As the needle slipped into her arm
She sat there silently, her thumb was poised, but then she heard a noise
Surprised to find the cry was hers

Now she’s out on the road trying to make amends, to be a friend
But she’s tired and doesn’t know what she needs anymore
The tears start down her face, she can’t even stand, she stares down at her hands
She makes them wet, but the stains remain

A LITTLE BIT OF WALKING AWAY
I remember the exact moment I came up with the idea for “ A Little Bit of Walking Away”. I was standing outside a blue door in a dingy hallway with crappy carpet.  It took every ounce of willpower I had to not knock on that door and beg to be let back in. Then a little more to turn.  And a bit more to take that first step away.  The road to liberation – from self, from situations, from others – is long, difficult, painful, and always – always – begins with that first excruciating, molasses-slow step.

You say you just can’t give me what I need
And as much as I hate to say it, I think that I agree
You say you don’t have time for making love
But you think that the day will come when you will have gained enough

Maybe someday soon we’ll both be who we need to be
And every single night I pray that day won’t be so far away
But for now I’ll walk a little bit away

Every time I walk away it gets a little bit easier
Every time I walk away I get a little bit stronger
Even though I know some day we may be together
Every day I gotta do a little bit of walking away

Lately my friends don’t have the time
To call me up and tell me if they’re feeling fine
Seems like nobody is around
And there’s no one that I can turn to if I’m feeling down

Maybe there’s a reason why I gotta be on my own to try
To be who I wanna be, and learn those secret parts of me
So for now I’ll walk a little bit away

Every time I walk away it gets a little bit easier
Every time I walk away I get a little bit stronger
Even though I know some day we may be together
Every day I gotta do a little bit of walking away

You say I need to find some other guy
I admit a little love would make it easier to get by
But the realization has finally come
I’m the one that most of all that love needs to come from

And even though I know it’s tough, letting go’s not giving up
And if you need me any day I’m still only a call away
‘Cause I’ve only walked a little bit away

Every time I walk away it gets a little bit easier
Every time I walk away I get a little bit stronger
Even if it means that we may never be together
Every day I gotta do a little bit of walking away

Every time I walk away it gets a little bit easier
Every time I walk away I get a little bit stronger
Babe, it’s not about if we will ever be together
Every day I gotta do a little bit of walking away

PSALM 131
From time to time in my life, I have practiced bibliomancy.  I would open a Bible in random places, seeking comfort or guidance... I suck at bibliomancy. I generally opened the book to one of two places: a genealogy passage, or a Psalm. I know – most people find comfort in the Psalms.  I, however, only ever seemed to open to verses that increased my despair. “How long,” they always asked.  How long will I cry out and you not hear? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will you refuse to save me? I was not – as you may imagine – a fan of the Psalms. Then one day I came across a tiny Psalm that changed everything for me.  It was a passage of gentle humility and quiet trust.  Out of that Psalm and the love of a dear friend (who went on to the Priesthood and was in Rome the last I knew), this song was born.

I called you up to correct for me the error of my life
Don’t know what I expected
But I know that I was looking for you to make me right

You said you had no answers, and I thought the storm would never break
But then you said you loved me and called me by my name
You calmed and comforted my soul like a woman at her husband’s breast
Like a lover who is comforted is my soul

When I thought God had abandoned me, I turned to you instead
You told me where to look for peace of mind, how to find
You turned me back to it again

You said if calmed and comforted my soul would open like a morning prayer
And God would find the comfort of my soul
And though I turned you both away, you fought your way through me to me
And then you held me until comforted was my soul

O Lord my heart is not lifted up, my eyes aren’t raised too high
I will not worry about things that are too great
Or too much for me tonight

I have calmed and comforted my soul like a child at its mother’s breast
Like a child who is comforted is my soul
You were not in the screaming wind, or the earthquake or the firelight
But in the quiet comfort of my soul